


One Simple Word

by beth9891



Category: Glee
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M, Oral Sex, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-14 00:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2171247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beth9891/pseuds/beth9891
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: The backstory and reason behind Blaine's reaction to Sam in 'Hold onto sixteen'. Sam's coming to terms of who he is. Eventual Blam. (language/slash)</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Simple Word

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: This is an idea I got after watching season three episode 'hold onto sixteen'. I thought blaine's reaction was a little out of character so I came up for an explanation and backstory for why. It is from Sam's POV. Lots of sam angst, eventaul BLAM!
> 
> So this wasmy first attempt at writing a fanfiction so please be kind. I am planning on making it multichaptered, I have the story done just not all typed up. It is un beta-ed so please forgive spelling and grammer. Let me know what you think! Happy reading ;)

** One Simple Word **

Sam swallowed nervously, don’t get him wrong he was stoked to be back at McKinley, and really he had missed glee. However, as happy as he was to be back, he was not looking forward to his friends and former classmates finding out about how he had been supporting himself lately.

It wasn’t exactly like he was ashamed of being a stripper (okay so maybe a little bit) but really he could live with the fact that his occupation was less then admirable, (I mean there are worse things than people wanting you because your hot, and Sam knew despite all of his other doubts and feelings of self-hate that he was indeed hot). No it was more the shame he felt when he was forced to admit just how much of a hypocrite he was.

Sam sighed as this thought pushed its way back into his head again. No matter how hard he tried, it just kept coming back, and these types of thoughts led to those other thoughts…the thoughts he’s buried so deep down, the ones that he had swore he would never let out. _Shit! No. Stop it._ He cursed himself. Rachel had not been helping with this situation. Sure, at first he had been thrilled to see her and Finn; he’d been so grateful for their help and had even appreciated her updates on everything he had missed since he had left Lima, Ohio last year. But she was not helping because she kept mentioning one of the new members of glee club, Kurt’s new friend Blaine _. No!_ Sam had told himself sternly, there was no way the universe hated him that much. No way that this was the same Blaine. No way. But while it might be true, **that** name, regardless of who was attached to it brought all those thoughts and feelings that Same was trying to avoid rushing to the surface.

 _Enough_. He commanded himself. He was supposed to be listening to Rachel’s voice for his cue to pop into the choir room and surprise everyone on his return. He heard Rachel’s voice ringing out, “Mr. Shue!” Everyone kept talking over her. “Mr. Shuester!” she cried out raising her voice, this time the background conversations slowly waned.

“Yes Rachel?” Mr. Shue replied sounding more then a little exasperated.

“I have a surprise announcement! I think that everyone’s going to be really excited about it” she announced regally.

“God, please tell me you are moving to Alaska to live in solitude with flabey mcflabs” Santana’s voice said snidely.

Apparently Rachel chose to ignore the comment as Sam heard her continue, “ I am excited to say that I’ve….I mean we solved the shortage of club members” she quickly amended.

“That’s good….how exactly?” Kurt’s high voice could be heard asking skeptically.

“Sam Evans!!!” Rachel exclaimed.

That was Sam’s queue. He flung the doors open happy to be greeted by gasps of surprise and shouts of welcome.

“Sam!!”

Due to the commotion it took Sam a little longer then it should have to register that not everyone in the choir room looked thrilled at his arrival. In fact, when Sam finally battled his way out of various hugs and high fives, he noticed that the dark haired teen in the front row looked far from happy. The teen looked shocked, his face white and his eyes wide in recognition.

Thankfully everyone else was much too preoccupied with getting themselves resettled and resuming their previous conversations to take not e of Sam’s own reaction to the dark haired boy. _Fuck!_ Apparently the universe did hate him that much. Blaine. Not some random stranger Blaine. Blaine. His Blaine. _No,_ he corrected himself mentally, not his Blaine. _Shit!_

Before Sam could figure out what he should do next his panicked thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a scraping chair.

“Blaine?” Mr. Shue asked in a concerned voice, “What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

Sam realized that the scraping chair was Blaine hurriedly standing up, his face still ashen. “Uh yeah Mr. Shue, I’m..uh feeling a little sick. Uh-I think I should go to the nurse. Sorry!” Blaine managed to croak out before rushing towards the door, all the while making sure to leave a wide space between himself and Sam as he rush by.

With Blaine out of the room Sam’s brain started to function again, he managed to walk over to the row of chairs and sat down beside Tina while trying to remember how to breathe.

“What was that?” Tina wondered, “Wonder what’s wrong with Blaine?”

“I have no idea” Sam replied trying not to trip over the lie leaving his lips. Because he did know. He knew exactly what was wrong with Blaine. Every detail that he had worked so hard to keep hidden, forgotten, all of them came coursing back through his mind. Threatening to ruin him. Blaine was going to ruin him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the day passed without Sam running into Blaine. It wasn’t until the sound of the last bell had rung, signaling that everyone should go home, that Sam finally saw Blaine again. Blaine was standing with his back to Sam, rooting thought his locker for who knows what.

God, it felt like only days, not years ago since he had last seen him. Sam allowed himself a moment to study the teen. He had changed. He was a little bit taller than before, he was still lean, maybe a tad more muscular, his muscles just visible through his tight yellow tee-shirt. He wore his hair differently; all gelled down instead of free and curly. This saddened Sam, he had always loved the shiny black curls. No physically he was still that same gorgeous boy that Sam had once known. The real difference was how he carried himself. His posture wasn’t relaxed and easy, not one that you would feel comfortable at approaching. This new Blaine stood out, his posture more erect, his stance challenging, as if he was daring someone to try and pick a fight. Yeah, that was it, he had the stance of a fighter now.

 _Shut up_! He mentally chastised himself. This was the reason he didn’t want Blaine here, these insidious thoughts, these unavoidable feelings. He sighed. He had to talk to him, he had to make sure to do damage control before it was too late.

“Blaine” he said quietly after making sure that the halls were empty and that there was little risk that they would be overheard.

Blaine’s head snapped up and he dropped his stack of books. It would have been a little comical had it not been for the circumstance Sam found himself in. “Sam” Blaine answered his eyes flashing with hurt and fear? Before being filled with anger. He squared his shoulders. “Stay away from me” he spat.

“Blaine, please…” Sam pleaded his guilt intensifying at the boy’s expression.

It looked like Blaine was going to say something but last minute decided against it. “What do you want Samuel?” he asked his tone tired.

“Look. I know neither of us wants to be here, but we’re stuck with each other, I-I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how things went down. I-I am hoping we can move past it” Sam said stumbling over his words.

“Oh, I get it. I understand what you want now. Really Sam? After all this time. Not a fucking word from you. But now, now that your precious reputation is at stake you manage to have the balls to apologize? Un-fucking believable” he said his words laced with venom.

 _Well, there’s another change_ Sam thought _New Blaine cursed a lot more._

When Sam didn’t say anything Blaine continued. “Don’t worry Samuel. I won’t spill your precious secret. I am able to keep my mouth shut. But for the record Sam, apology **NOT** accepted. From this point on, we have no history…no past and certainly no future. I don’t know you and you don’t know me” with these final words Blaine slammed his locker door, stooped to grab his dropped books and walked away, leaving Sam standing alone in the hall.

Sam should be relieved. Blaine had agreed to what he had wanted. _Keep quiet, don’t bring up the past._ Why then? Sam wondered did it feel like someone had stabbed him in the heart, leaving him wounded and bleeding for everyone to see.

“This is hopeless, we don’t have a chance at winning without the girls” Puck grumbled as he stumbled slightly while attempting to follow along with Mr. Shues dance moves.

Apparently Blaine joining glee club was not the only change to the New Directions since Sam had left. The majority of the girls had defected to an all girls glee club run by Rachel’s birth mother. Weirdly the two girls that had not left were the only ones with actually connections to Ms. Cochran, Rachel (daughter) and Quinn (Shelby had adopted Quinn’s daughter) were the sole remaining females, Santana had just recently left, leaving the New Directions lacking in female vocalists.

Speaking of Blaine, he had been true to his word completely ignoring Sam. It wasn’t even a cold shoulder, it was like he had literally never seen him before and although Blaine hadn’t been rude (especially with the other glee members around), he made zero effort outside what was absolutely necessary to interact or even look at Sam.

While this is what Sam had wanted, for some reason, some reason that Sam didn’t care to analyze, it just made him angry. Not just angry it filled him with a white pulsing rage. _Damn him! It wasn’t fair!_ How could he just look through Sam like he was nothing, how was it possible, when every time Sam saw him he was crushed by so many warring emotions. Even when Blaine wasn’t around Sam’s thoughts automatically went straight to him. It made him so angry, filling him with a restless energy that he just couldn’t get rid of. He hated him in those moments. He hated him so much; it was his fault for what Sam had become. _Fuck._

“…and we’ll use it to our advantage” Sam heard Mr. Shue say.

And then **HE** spoke up. “Yeah! How about something like this?” Blaine suggested doing a spin.

God, he looked hot in his loose sweater and tight yellow pants. He managed to look both dirty and innocent all at once. _And this was exactly what had begun this whole mess_ Sam thought bitterly, hate and shame coursing through him.

“Cuute!” Kurt said smiling.

“I like the spin” Mr. Shuester said in agreement and the guy in the group started to try and attempt the spin.

Sam didn’t know what it was but something inside him snapped, he just could not handle it. He wanted, no needed to see some emotion on the dark haired boy’s face. Some emotion other than that fake indifferent smile that he had been wearing since the locker encounter.

“God, Okay stop, stop!” the words were out of Sam’s mouth before he could stop them. “Blaine, this…” he did a mock spin before looking at Blaine, his eyes begging, no daring him to rise to unvoiced challenge, “…is totally boy band. What we need to sell here is SEX”. Sam accompanied his words with a body roll. Sam didn’t know why he went there, there of all places, purposely dragging up the thing that he knew would hurt Blaine the most. He knew it would but he just couldn’t stop himself.

“What was that?” Blaine asked his tone indifferent but a spark of anger in his eyes.

“ It’s a body roll” Sam threw back at him, starting to roll his hips again, goading him on with tone, determined to make him snap, “thaaat is sex.”

The other guys started to hesitantly roll their hips as well. “The man’s not wrong” Artie said “I got tingles where it’s only 50/50 for tinges.”

“Yeah! Yeah Sam that’s awesome, Sam that’s exactly what we need!” Finn said with a stupid grin. This comment seemed to do what Sam had been aiming for.

“No, no that is **not** what we need. We don’t have to resort to….to….t-that. It’s cheap…you know what? It’s selling out” Blaine cut in his voice barely keeping steady, his eyes and gestures clearly demonstrating his agitation.

Sam knew that he should let it drop. What was he doing? Blaine had given him what he had wanted, he had kept quiet. But no he was ignoring him. If Sam was filled with thoughts of Blaine every freaking second then No. Blaine was not allowed to ignore him. Sam knew deep down that he was being irrational, especially after everything he had put Blaine through. But he couldn’t bring himself to care in that moment.

“I came back here to win…when your desperate sometimes you got to use what you’ve got, your assets” Sam did another body roll, “…and this is our biggest asset” Sam shot back.

“Of course that’s what **YOU’D** think, it’s what you’d have to think in order to sleep at night” Blaine’s words and the condescending look on his face felt like a slap in the face.

 _Shit! Blaine had heard what he had been doing then._ It was like Blaine was yelling hypocrite in his face. “What the hell does that mean” Sam spit back, knowing full well what Blaine had meant by it.

“It means that **I’M NOT FOR SALE** ” Blaine yelled, his composure finally breaking.

Sam blanched, those all too familiar words sent hot curls of shame through his stomach. He couldn’t stop it, he had to get rid of the shame. He had to force it away from himself before it destroyed him. Before Sam knew what he was doing he was pushing Blaine roughly backwards. In the past Blaine had always refused to fight back, this time however Sam felt himself being shoved back.

“Hey!” Mr. Shue shouted pushing the two boys apart, the look Blaine gave Sam was pure hatred.

“Forget it” he spat before running from the room.

Once again Sam was left to stew in his regrets.

 

**(PAST 2 YEARS AGO)**

_Sam squirmed trying to find a comfortable position, squished in the center of the crescent shaped booth between his teammates Jordan and Kyle. He tried to calm himself down; he didn’t want to seem too eager, like a rookie especially in front of the older boys._

_Sam had just turned fifteen and Jordan, Kyle and three other guys from the football team had decided to take him out to celebrate, putting to use the fake id that Sam had been given by Kyle earlier in the day. All of the guys were at least a year or two older than him and Sam knew what a big deal it was to be welcomed into the ‘popular clique’. No way was he going to screw this up._

_“Excited for the show?” Jordan asked smirking, he shot Kyle and the other guys a look, causing them to choke down laughter. Sam didn’t know what was going on but he couldn’t help but feel that there was something he was unaware of taking place._

_“Uh…yeah?”Sam replied a little unsure. He was determined not to let his nerves show. He’d play it cool. He could tell that this was more than a celebration of his birthday; it was a test of some sort. He decided he’d play along and find out for what._

_The lights in the bar dimmed and strobe lights flashed before focusing on the runway like stage in the center of the room. Sam had been a little hesitant when Kyle had told him they were going to a strip club, but he hadn’t wanted to show weakness in front of the quarterback so he kept his reservations to himself._

_“Weeeelcome, Laaadies and Gents to Avalon’s! Is everyone having a good time?” A loud voice called out over the sound system. This attempt to rally the patrons up was met with a few enthusiastic hollers._

_Sam looked around the club to assess the rest of the patrons, he belatedly realized that it was a very odd mix for a strip club. Instead of a bunch of sleazy older guys and frat boys, there was an unusually large ratio of older women in the crowd, as well as a large party of very drunk twenty-somethingish girls who looked like they were part of a bachelorette party, and finally a smattering of guys who looked like they had just stepped off the set of queer as folk._

_“Now for the show you’ve all been waiting for! Please welcome to the stage…….CHIP!!!” the announcer ended with a flourish._

_“Waaii..” Sam said slowly, the realization hitting him just moments before a very muscular very scantily clad guy dressed as a firefighter sauntered onto the stage._

_This was a **MALE** strip club._

_The guys were bent over with laughter, “Ha…Your face!” Jake snorted, slapping Sam on the back._

_“What the hell?” Sam yelled more shocked then angry._

_“S-S-Sorry man, tradition. You as the newest member of the football team have yet to be properly hazed my friend. And well with it being your birthday, it was just too good to pass up” Chris explained still shaking with laughter._

_“Ha ha, you got me…can we go now?” Sam asked trying to hide his irritation._

_“No way, you think you’re getting off that easily? Nu-uh. We paid to come and drink, so watch the show cause after you get a private lap-dance hot stuff just be glad that your hazing at least involves alcohol” Kyle retorted pushing him back into the seat to the booth._

_Fine. Sam thought. It’s no big deal. Not like his dad would find out. This didn’t change anything. He’d watched Troy; the guys are nakedish in that. If this is all he had to do to be part of the ‘in’ crowd then no problem he could handle it._

_“Alright. Bring it” he retorted lacing his voice with more bravado then he felt. The guys cheered._

_They hooted and hollered, being general teenage jackasses throughout Chip’s dance. They drank. They increased their volume as Captain did a pole dance. They drank. They became successively more rowdy with each dancer. Sam watched it all with disinterest. He tried to seem like he was having a good time, but really he was just bored. The strippers were good looking, muscular, obviously fit but Sam couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander back to Kiera. Kiera was the undeniably hottest girl in school. If Sam could just get her to look at him, he knew his social standing would sky rocket. He sighed hazarding a glance at his phone, 10:05. Crap. Way to early to leave._

_“Alllllright, ladies and gentlemen….the one you’ve all been waiting for, the last one of the night…” the announcer drawled trying to build up anticipation_

Thank god! _Sam thought, he absent mindedly noticed that the bar was a lot more crowded then it had been at the start of the show, in fact it was almost full now._ Weird _._

_“Welcome to the stage…KILLER” the announcer shouted out to thunderous applause. Sam snorted, Killer? Seriously?_

_His laughter died in his throat when he saw a smaller, dark curly haired man? No boy saunter slowly onto the stage. Sam couldn’t breathe, the boy was beautiful. He watched as he slowly, almost lazily rolled his hips while throwing a stunningly white smile and cheeky wink to the bachelorette party. They went wild, Sam seriously was contemplating whether their shrieks were even human possible._

_The boy continued his act, interspersing removing items of clothing, with dance moves. Some seductive and suggestive, others screaming boy band. Sam wasn’t sure he could decide which he found hotter. Killer (as he was named) oozed confidence in his actions, but the faint flush tinting his cheeks suggested that he wasn’t quite as comfortable as he let on. It gave him a very distinctive school boy quality. And the crowd ate it up. It was clear why the bar had suddenly become more crowded, they had come for **HIM** , to watch **HIM**. Not that Sam could blame them. _

_The smaller boy was lean, with a slim almost delicate waist, but on removal of his shirt it was plain to see that he was sculpted, the muscles on his torso well defined but not bulky. Sam couldn’t force himself to look away. The sight was consuming. When the boy finally finished his routine he looked over at the table where the football players were sitting (they had been surprisingly quiet during this last dance). Sam swore the boy was looking directly at him, the boy threw him a kiss and winked, smirking before turning and sauntering off the stage. When Sam finally managed to look away from the stage he was relieved to see that he was not the only one of his teammates who looked like they had been a little too interested in the last performer._

_Everyone of course immediately started up with the jokes and sleazy innuendos to hide this fact, that and quickly increasing the rate of alcohol consumed._

_By the time 1am rolled around, Sam was feeling pretty loose and at ease with the rest of the group. That is right up until Kyle opened his mouth to remind him, “Alright hotshot, one more challenge and your officially part of the team” he grinned wickedly “time for your lap dance”_

_Sam tried to hide his discomfort, but apparently didn’t do that great of a job judging by the jeers and laughter from his teammates._

_A very heavily made up woman name Sapphire, (well Sam was pretty sure she was a women, but if he took into account the slight stubble above her lip he really wasn’t that sure)lead him into a hallway lined with doors, that was located beside the stage. Sam was praying that his guide was not the one performing his lap dance. The hall was well lit by a fluorescent light, which just seemed to draw attention to the peeling paint and make it seem somehow even more tawdry._

_Sam’s stomach churned with nerves as she unlocked a door to his left and motioned him to step inside. “Make yourself comfortable sweet-stuff, I’ll go fetch your entertainer. Sam flushed in embarrassment. Sappire smirked at him before closing the door._

_The room was rather gaudy, the walls painted a crimson red, a single chair located in the middle, a pole and small stage a few feet in front of it. Sam swallowed nervously surprised to find his mouth parched._ God, how had he gotten himself into this? _he wondered not for the first time that evening._

_He heard a rustle from the wall near the back (or in front of Sam). He had been so nervous on seeing the chair and pole he’d completely overlooked the curtained door frame at the end of the room. Sam forced himself to look up as he heard someone else enter the room._

_In the few seconds it took for him to register who had joined him, his mind literally felt like it had exploded. It was **HIM**. The boy. The very beautiful boy from earlier. _

_He stood almost shyly in front of Sam, his dark curls spilling out recklessl, as if daring someone to try and tame them. His delicate cheekbones and nose at odds with a strong jaw, together they oddly complemented each other. He stood in front of Sam his chest bare except for the suspenders holding up a pair of very tight black pants. A black bowtie was his only accessory. And as distracting as his lean muscular body was Sam couldn’t look away from his eyes. Onstage it was obvious that he was beautiful, but up close you could see his eyes. Large, liquid golden eyes, rimmed with the longest black eyelashes Sam had ever seen (male or female)._

_He was stunning._

_Sam felt his breath hitch and himself freeze, all he could do was stare. He noted how his reaction had sent a warm pink tinge to the boy’s cheeks. The boy stared with an almost equal fascination at Sam. After a minute the boy seemed to remember himself and his posture straightened, a cocky smile played on his lips as he slowly sauntered over to where Sam was standing._

_“Hey handsome, why don’t we get started?” he said in a seductive voice. Sam was startled that his voice was much lower than Sam had thought it would be. The boy pulled gently on Sam’s tie, leading him over to the chair and pushed him down on it._

_Sam could feel himself get hard just by watching him move. Killer started with a slow seductive dance, featuring hip rolls and grinding, Sam was shocked at how quickly his thoughts turned from mere fascination with the boy to wanting to throw him down and thoroughly fuck him right there on the carpet. These thoughts terrified him._

_It took every ounce of willpower and self control Sam had (and he had a lot being the oldest of 5 kids, and raised in a very strict, very Christian household) to croak out “Wait!” as Killer straddled his lap._

_The boy froze, confusion quickly replacing the black hooded desire in his eyes. “You want something different? Someone else maybe?” he asked uncertainly (No one had ever stopped him mid dance before)._

_Sam tried to will his own erection down, while slowing his pounding heart as he took a shuddery breath in. He finally managed to focus on the puzzled boy who sat on his lap. Sam was all too aware of the tantalizing smell of chocolate and cinnamon radiating off of his glistening olive skin._

_God give him strength. He almost caved but somehow managed to squeak out, “No, no I’m sorry, it’s not you. Believe me you-you a-are perfect. Beautiful. But I’m not the type of guy who does this kind of thing. It’s a hazing thing for the football team. I-I’m not even gay or anything…no offense…S-sorry for wasting your time, you can say you finished the dance and get paid and everything…” Sam trailed off desperately trying to convince himself that there was truth in his words. He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be! That was wrong, it was a sin. Sam was straight._

_He expected the boy to be angry or hurt by Sam’s words but found himself surprised as the boy let out a snort of laughter and awkwardly shuffled back off his lap._

_“Hey, hey no sweat blondy… It’s no skin off my back” he reassured Sam with an amused grin. The boy backed up a bit and leaned casually against the pole behind him. Sam willed himself not to start at how this new stance made all the boy’s abs contract….okay so one look wasn’t going to hurt anyone, right?_

_“Wha? Huh” he asked startled realizing the boy was talking to him._

_“You look kinda young for this club” the teen said casually._

_Sam snorted at the irony. “So do you” he retorted. Before he could worry about whether or not he had offended the dancer, the boy laughed._

_“Guilty as charged, I probably shouldn’t tell you that but you don’t look like a cop, definitely too cute…I’m Blaine, you are?...Don’t worry you don’t have to tell me, although it would make you kind of a jerk what with first rejecting me, and then getting me to spill a potentially ruinous secret” Blaine teased._

_Blaine. Sam like that name, liked how it flowed of the tongue_ ….No! Stop. You are NOT going to think about his tongue…or what he can do with that tongue. _Sam nearly groaned. “Uh..Sam, m-my name is Sam” he stuttered._

_“Nice to meet you Sam” Blaine replied a genuine smile lighting up his face._

_“So how old ARE you?” Sam asked the only question he could retrieved from his frazzled brain._

_“Fifteen” Blaine replied “Club thinks or at least pretends I’m eighteen though.”_

_Sam had trouble processing this. This boy. This Stripper was his age. He wondered what had led this boy, this mere child to this life._

_Blaine seemed to read his mind and gave him a small smile “it’s a long story” he said simply._

_The music Sam hadn’t even been aware was playing stopped. Blaine glanced over at the i-pod before looking back at Sam apologetically “the end of the music generally means the end of the performance...”_

_“Oh-Yeah of course” Sam said fumbling to stand up. “ ..so um…” he didn’t really know what he wanted to say. For reasons that Sam did not feel like psycho-analyzing at the moment he was not ready to say goodbye to Blaine, he hesitated slightly before turning towards the door._

_He was about to open it and leave when he felt a hand on his shoulder stop him. He turned around in surprise to find Blaine standing there. Blaine looked nervous, the blush returning to his cheeks. “Listen Sam, I don’t usually do this…but since I’ve already broken so many rules with you anyway…here’s my number. I get your straight and I’m not being a predatory gay or anything but you seem cool, so if you ever just want to chill, as friends give me a call. Or stop by again, if you use my full name… Blaine Anderson, Rocket will let you in backstage” he said handing Sam a slip of paper._

_“Yeah…I’ll-I’ll do that, thanks” Sam fumbled once again with the paper, before successfully placing it in his pocket, turning a deep shade of crimson._

_“You know it really is too bad you play for the other team” Blaine commented smiling “you really are very cute, Samuel” and with that parting word he spun and exited through the far door._

_Leaving Sam open mouthed and very confused._

_The following week was torture for Sam. His initiation had apparently gone smoothly and the football jocks had as promised welcomed him into their ranks. Of course now this just meant he spent most the school day listening to crude jokes about girl’s boob size, or jeers about queers. Sam had enough survival instinct to know what to do and when to laugh to maintain his social standing in high school. It didn’t mean he enjoyed it. He hated himself as he stood by with a fake smile on his face, a sick feeling churning in his gut as he watched Kyle or Brett or one of the other muscle heads harass and torment their fellow schoolmates. As they tossed poisonous words like ‘faggot’, ‘queer’ and ‘ homo’ around as if they had no repercussions. All the while Sam stood silently by, hating himself and fearing that they would somehow know, somehow sense this hate and pounce. It was pushing Sam’s nerves to the edge, he felt like he was walking on a frayed tightrope, knowing it would snap but not having any idea when._

_And even this fear couldn’t keep him from thinking about that boy. Blaine. He had tried everything to forget him, to get back to ‘normal’. Nothing worked. Sam tried dating one of the cheerleaders. His new standing on the football team, paired with his blond sun-kissed sex appeal made it easy enough to secure dates. The girl was named Katie. However after a rather embarrassing performance problem (something that Sam would like to insist was a first), Sam caved and let visions of the hot male stripper fill his head, which must to his devastation fixed his performance issues instantly._

_Sam still had the slip of paper with Blaine’s phone number on it, admittedly a little (or a lot) worse for wear. Sam had meant to throw it away, he had promised himself he would, but every time he tried something stopped him. He may or may not have ended up digging through the kitchen garbage at one point to retrieve it at one point during the week. Saturday he finally gave in._

_His family was gone for the weekend (off to some spreading the light convention…he had used football practice to avoid having to go. Thankfully the only thing his father loved more than God was football), leaving Sam home and quite alone. He had spent most of Saturday morning trying to think of someone he actually **wanted** to hang out with, and despite his new found popularity he was having trouble doing so. He had quickly ruled out Jessica (his newest girlfriend), she was undoubtedly hot, but already 3 days into their relationship rather clingy, and he most definitely did not want to spend more time with the idiotic mentalities of his team mates. He could barely stand them when he had to. _

_He found his hands worrying the haggard slip of paper once again._ It was wrong. He shouldn’t. But Blaine had said he wanted to be friends. There was nothing wrong with friendship was there? He wouldn’t be breaking any rules by offering a hand, that’s what you were suppose to do. Love thy neighbor and all. His dad wouldn’t know. _Feeling slightly better now that he had thought of a justification for his need to see Blaine again, he quickly grabbed his phone and typed Blaine’s number (which was basically memorized at this point anyway) into it. Sam quickly fired off a text._

_SAM: Hey Blaine….it’s Sam_

_No answer. Maybe Blaine didn’t even remember who he was. Embarrassment washed over him. He felt like an idiot. Courage. Okay what the hell Sam thought._

_SAM: from the…never happened lap dance_ _J_

_BLAINE: Hey Samuel! Long time no text_ _J_ _Was afraid I scared you off with my ferocious hip rolls lol._

_SAM: Did you seriously just text ferocious hip rolls? How very bring it on of you”_

_BLAINE: Don’t tell…that’s my secret weapon. I steal all my best moves from that movie. ;)_

_SAM: secret is safe with me. Though you are not going to have many left if you tell me one every time we talk!_

_BLAINE: Can’t help it. Something about that earnest southern charm of yours…_

_SAM: Hey, you free today? Want to hang out?_

_BLAINE: I thought you’d never ask ;) I have a show later, but free until 6…what do you have in mind? I have a few suggestions *wink* *wink*_

_God Blaine was a flirt._

_SAM: Your shameless._

_BLAINE: What? I was going to suggest coffee….jeez Samuel mind out of the gutter..he he_

_SAM: your hilarious. Coffee is sounds good. How about Perks, it’s near where you work. In like an hour or so?_

_Sam purposefully suggested this coffee shop knowing it was far out of his normal social orbit._

_BLAINE: Sure sounds good, I know the place. See you soon._

_Sam didn’t even try to quell the excitement bubbling up in him. Three outfit changes later, Sam was driving a little over the speed limit in order to get there in time. He repeated his mantra over and over in his head. “_ I am not attracted to Blaine. He is a guy. I am merely trying to make more friends. Friends are good _. “By the time Sam pulled up to the coffee shop he had repeated it so many times that he almost believed it himself. Yes Blaine could be a friend._

_One could always use more friends._

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_Over the next three months Blaine became everything to him. He was the person that Sam thought of when we first opened his eyes in the morning, he was the person who Sam fell asleep too. He felt closer to Blaine then he had ever felt to anyone else. And yet he could not bring himself to share his feelings with Blaine, he just could not manage to let Blaine see that side of him. He knew it was unfair. Blaine had shared everything about himself with Sam. He felt that he knew all of Blaine’s secrets. Blaine had confided in him about his family._

_Blaine had shared that his family was actually exorbitantly wealthy but that when Blaine had come out a year ago, his father had thrown him out, they hadn’t spoken since. He shared that he had gone to live with his older brother Cooper, but that Cooper’s lifestyle hadn’t been cohesive for a teenager trying to finish school. Blaine had been a little vague on the details as too exactly what Cooper’s lifestyle incorporated but from what Sam was able to deduce it involved a lot of partying, drugs and perhaps a few drunken brawls. He explained how he had ended moving back to Westerville wanting to be somewhere familiar, and had managed to win enough money from a song writing contest to pay for part of his school fees._

_He talked about how now that he was living without his father’s assistance and how he had been forced to try and find at least part-time employment to cover the rest of his tuition and day to day living expenses. Sam heard how Blaine had tried to find work at fast food joints and grocery chains but how the hours, wages, or both hadn’t fit with his school schedule. He told Sam about the months that he had lived completely broke, often homeless (couch surfing or sleeping at the shelter) when he couldn’t find employment. He told Sam of a new transfer kid, Sebastian (Sam thought he sounded sleazy) who had eventually hooked him up with his current job._

_Blaine explained how at first he was ashamed and embarrassed over stripping but how he had gradually grown more comfortable with himself and his body ,( he added that it didn’t hurt that he made a killing, and that they basically let him dictate his own hours). He admitted that no one other then Sebastian, and now Sam knew what he did for a living and admitted that as crude as Sebastian and his jokes could be the boy had kept his mouth shut._

_Sam and Blaine spent countless hours playing video games, geeking out over the latest sci-fi or superhero movie or just clowning around. Sam just felt at ease with Blaine, he wanted to tell Blaine he had feelings for him, he did, but something held him back and Sam knew exactly what it was that did so, Fear. Sam was terrified of his feelings, he was terrified at what they meant, what they said about him. So instead of telling the truth Sam stayed silent. He allowed himself to daydream about his best friend but that was it. It was better this way he had told himself countless times, safer._

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_It wasn’t until Sam attended a house party at Sebastian’s almost 5 months after he had first met Blaine that things changed. Sometimes Sam wonders if he hadn’t gotten so drunk that night if they ever would have._

_Blaine had invited Sam earlier that week, and at first Sam had dragged his heels, not really in the mood for a party. Things at school were still status quo (meaning Sam was miserable), and things at home weren’t much better. His dad had started to take a little too much interest in where Sam had been spending all of his free time, and Sam knew better then to let his father ever meet Blaine._ “It’s a damn disease, that’s what it is! We would all be better off if we could just euthanize them” _The hateful words his father had so casually dropped in a conversation with one of his golf buddies rang through Sam’s head. So Sam had resolved to be more careful, spend a little less time hanging out with Blaine, and if he was going to hang out avoid doing other things that might be considered a sin in his father’s books (drinking, partying were definitely on that list). So he had been perfectly ready to tell Blaine that,_ No he could not come to the party next Friday _and stick to his guns._

_However, as soon as he found out that Sebastian was throwing the party Sam had quickly changed his mind and agreed to accompany Blaine, as friends of course. Blaine had teased Sam over his sudden interest in Sebastian, which Sam had laughed off…if Blaine only knew. No, Sam had not agreed to go to the party because he had a crush on Sebastian. No, he had agreed because Sam did not like the sounds of Sebastian, especially the sounds of how Sebastian acted around Blaine. No. Sam was not jealous. He was being a good friend. That’s it._

_There was more to it, Sam could feel Blaine pulling away at times. He knew what the problem was. He knew that Blaine had been growing more and more tired of the cloak and dagger friendship that they shared. He had never brought it up directly but he had dropped enough hints for Sam to have to have been in a coma not to know what was bothering his friend. Sam knew he wasn’t being fair, treating their friendship like it was something shameful, dirty. He saw the hurt that would sometimes escape from Blaine’s eyes before the smaller boy was able to hide it. He hated hurting him. But Sam just couldn’t allow his two worlds to collide. He didn’t think he could survive the fallout._

_They never talked about it, but they started to fight more, usually it was over something stupid or insignificant. Both of them knew that they weren’t fighting about their current disagreement but about the other thing. So in a way Sam agreed to go to the party in hopes that this would make up for some of the pain he was putting his friend through._

_Now several drinks in, Sam found himself once again irrationally jealous at the attention the boys were giving Blaine (Granted Blaine was very drunk and pulling out striper moves in the middle of the dance floor, it was hard not to notice). One older boy in particular (a senior? Sam vaguely remembers him introducing himself as Cody earlier in the evening) was getting particularly handsey with his friend and what irritated Sam the most was that Blaine really didn’t seem to mind._

_Cody and Blaine were grinding on the dance floor and Sam swore they were going to go down on each other right then and there. Sam was seething. The green eyed monster inside him was itching to come out and claw Cody’s admittedly nice grey eyes out_

_“You know, that could have been you… still could be if you could get your head out of your ass for three seconds” a lazy voice drawled beside Sam._

_Sam whipped his head around to spot a handsome, tall, angular teen leaning against the wall nearest to him. “Excuse me?” Sam sputtered._

_“I’m talking about your poorly disguised love for Mr. Blaine Devon Anderson. I can only assume by your closeted jock vibe, that you are Sam…Sebastian Symthe….I’d say it’s a pleasure but…” Sebastian said sneering_

_“I do not…” Sam flailed_

_“Oh please, let’s skip all the “you do, I do not” crap. We both know you do. And he apparently likes you enough to turn down all of this” Sebastian said gesturing at himself before continuing “but he is not going to wait around forever and honestly…and I will kill you if you ever tell anyone I said this…he deserves better. So grow a pair and tell him the truth….or next time he just might say yes” Sebastian finished a smirk firmly in place._

_Between the alcohol, Cody’s busy hands and Sebastian’s warning Sam’s heart took over. He found himself marching over to where Blaine and Cody were dancing and pushing Cody roughly aside._

_“Sam? What the…”Blaine began. Before he could continue he was cut off by Sam crushing their lips together._

_At first Blaine just froze in shock. His straight best friend was kissing him. But quickly Sam felt Blaine’s lips begin to move with his. When Sam nipped a little sharply at Blaine’s lower lip, the smaller boy was quick to grant Sam access, allowing his tongue to explore. Blaine wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck pulling him closer with a soft moan. Sam returned the favor by winding his fingers through Blain’s soft curls and yanking them roughly to expose the other boy’s neck. He pulled back momentarily breaking the kiss but quickly silenced Blaine’s whine of protest as he began to suck, nip and kiss the pulse point on Blaine’s neck._

_“Sam” he heard Blaine moan. God how the desperate plea in Blaine’s voice turned him on._

_It wasn’t until he heard the distinct sound of people clearing their throats did Sam remember that they were in fact still in the middle of Sebastian’s rather large living room, surrounded by a dozen or more of Blaine’s school friends. Blaine seemed to reach this realization about the same time and they hastily untangled from one another._

_“Well that was hot” someone said._

_Blaine turned bright red, perhaps only to be outdone by Sam’s own flush._

_“Well, as I basically made this happen, I believe it is only fair to get a threesome out of it as a reward” Sebastian stated._

_“Bugger off, Seb” Blaine replied, the quiver at the corner of his mouth betraying the smile he was trying to hide._

_Sam didn’t wait to hear whatever over-sexualized innuendo Sebastian tossed back as he snaked his arm around Blaine’s waist and pulled him out of the main room, down one of the much darker and much more secluded hallways. Having fully surrendered to his long buried desire at this point, Sam barely waited until they were far enough down the hall that the music and laughter became slightly muffled._

_“Samuel…” Blaine trailed off trying to catch his breath as Sam’s arm tightening around his slim waist and began to spin him so they were facing each other. “What are we…you doing?” he asked surprise, hesitation and want all fighting for dominance in his eyes._

_“What I’ve wanted to do ever since I saw you doing that ridiculous boy band spin on the stage” Sam growled pinning Blaine to the wall with his body. Sam waited to see if there was any resistance from Blaine, when he received none he took it as his invitation to continue._

_And continue he did, his lips once again found themselves on Blaine’s with a forceful almost bruising desperation. Blaine more than happily submitted wrapping his legs around Sam’s waist in order to gain some purchase. Blaine had long ago lost his warbler’s tie and Sam pulled clumsily at Blaine’s blazer, pushing it off his shoulders. Blaine in response pulled Sam’s tee-shirt up as far as he could get it, almost whining in frustration when he was met with resistance. Sam almost laughed. Frustrated Blaine was so freaking hot, it was not helping the painful throbbing down south. He reluctantly released Blaine’s lower lip, his teeth pulling at it almost hard enough to draw blood. Blaine let out a breathy moan. Sam quickly finished removing his tee-shirt before pulling apart Blaine’s white dress shirt, not caring that some of the buttons were popping off and clinking against the marble floor. He felt Blaine flex his hips so that their respective hard ons were grinding together, straining against their material binds. “Fuck. Blaine”_

_He retaliated by putting his mouth to work on Blaine’s neck eliciting the hottest whimpers and pleas from the other boy. He loved marking that perfect olive skin, making it his. A clear sign not to touch._

_“Uggn..” Blaine got out, “Sam…here let me” he pushed back at Sam slightly. Sam fought his instincts for control and let Blaine take over, allowing him to shimmy down Sam’s body._

_“Are you okay with this?” the dark haired boy asked his hand on the waist of Sam’s jeans, his fingers teasing slightly below the waistband._

_“Y-Yess…F-Fuck Blaine…P-Please” Sam begged not even really sure what he was asking for just needing Blaine, needing release. He watched Blaine slowly unbutton his jeans and fought to hold on as Blaine placed feather light kisses down his chest, all while pushing his jeans and boxers down to his knees. As Blaine worked his way lower his kisses became more forceful, needier, sucking and biting at this hip bone. Sam couldn’t help himself as his hips bucked forward. “Jesus!” he cursed not for one second worrying how his church or father would react if they could hear his blasphemy. He looked down at Blaine as Blaine took him into his mouth. The golden eyes never looked away, Blaine’s swollen pink lips wrapped around his cock. The springy black curls slightly dampened with the sweat that trickled down from Blaine’s efforts. God, he couldn’t get more perfect, what he was doing with that oh so talented tongue. Fuck. Sam felt white clouding his vision as he came hard. Too fast to give Blaine warning, the smaller boy sputtered slightly before recovering himself and swallowing Sam’s cum._

_Sam’s legs were weak and shaky when he finally was coherent to open his eyes, Blaine had finished himself off and they both slumped against the wall sliding exhaustedly to the floor._

_“Wow” Sam said “you Mr. Anderson have a very talented mouth” he managed to get out._

_“So I’m told” Blaine smirked before adding “ I am in glee club and on the debate team after all.” Sam snorted with laughter._

_They fell silent for a time before Blaine sighed and shifted so that he was sitting higher up against the wall. Somewhat in vain he tried to fix the state of disarray he now found himself in._

_“Soo…are we going to talk about this? What exactly was this Samuel?” he asked. (Blaine was the only one who Sam allowed to call him Samuel)_

_“What do you mean?” Sam feigned ignorance not really wanting to delve into the mess that was his life._

_“What was this too you? A mistake? A experiment? Something more? Do you even want something more? Please tell me because honestly I feel like I am on a rollercoaster, I can’t keep up with your moods Sam you need to just tell me what you want. Where do I stand? “ Blaine said the frustration clear in his voice._

_“I-I don’t know” Sam admitted at once hating himself when he saw Blaine’s posture crumble, his shoulders sagging at Sam’s words. Worse was the look in his eyes, there wasn’t hate or anger or even confusion present just simple resignation. The spark that Sam loved was missing, leaving Blaine looking tired._

_And because of that moment, that missing spark Sam made a choice he might not have otherwise made. He knew that he should tell Blaine that it was a mistake, tell him that it didn’t mean anything, set him free to find someone who could give him the love he needed the love he deserved._

_He knew that he wasn’t like Blaine. He wasn’t clever, or charming, he couldn’t spin words, or disarm someone with a smile. He didn’t fill a room with warmth, he didn’t command attention just by entering. Most importantly he didn’t have the guts to lose everything. Blaine had so much raw talent, so much potential to fall back on. It didn’t matter what the people around Blaine did, Sam knew the boy would pick himself up and be better for it. But Sam wasn’t like that. He didn’t have anything to fall back on. Sam had his looks and he had his popularity, what was left if he lost these?_

_So if Sam had been thinking straight he would have walked away, made a clean cut, but Sam wasn’t thinking straight. He was in love. He didn’t want to see that dullness in Blaine’s eyes so instead of walking away he answered,_

_“You, I-I don’t know exactly what is going on… b-but it feels right with you” the words tumbled out of Sam’s mouth as if on their own volition._

_And just like that the spark was back. “Are you sure Samuel?” Blaine asked quietly, poorly disguising the hopefulness in his question._

_“Yeah, I mean you’ll have to be patient with me, I can’t be what you want me to be Blaine, but I’m willing to try and find something that can work for both of us” Sam replied carefully._

_“Um..okay what are you comfortable with Samuel?” Blaine asked._

_“Well I know I am attracted to you…obviously” Sam smiled wryly “I enjoy do-doing stuff with you” he admitted softly_

_“OK. So you are okay with being sexual I get that but what about the rest?” Blaine asked waiting for Sam to clarify._

_“I’m okay with you telling your friends, I can’t tell my parents…at least not yet” Sam amended._

_“And at your school?” Blaine asked gently not wanting to push too hard. They both knew that this was the big one, the one that would make or break them._

_“I don’t want to announce it, but I won’t deny it if people happen to find out” Sam stipulated, trying to fight the feelings of panic clawing at his chest._

_“Ok, I can live with that. I can’t promise that this will work Samuel, but I really like you so I am willing to give it a shot”_

_Even all the doubts and fears couldn’t smother the joy Sam felt at those words and he elatedly pulled the smaller boy in for another heated kiss._

_For the next month Sam was in heaven. He saw or hung out with Blaine nearly every day (he had gotten much better at coming up with excuses) and although their relationship fell into the familiar holding pattern (Blaine wanted to stop hiding, Sam was reluctant) for the most part they were both happy. They had each other and for now that was enough._

_And god. The sex. Sam didn’t think that it is possible for it to be that good. Blaine had started to refer to him as the sex monster, teasing him mercilessly about is insatiable appetite, not that Blaine ever really complained, this was one thing he was happy to give in to Sam’s needs. It was a little over a month when the milestone happened. You know the one we speak about. **THAT** one. They had just finished another round of energetic fucking, both lying lethargically still reeling and coming down from their orgasms prone on Blaine’s bed. (They often went to Blaine’s apartment to ensure privacy). _

_“Shit!” Sam said trying to catch his breath_

_“ Yeah” Blaine sighed happily, a small smile on his face as he reached over to push a lock of golden hair out of Sam’s eyes. They lay their quietly, peaceful in each other’s company, before Blaine eventually broke the silence (it often ended up being Blaine who initiated conversation after , he was never as comfortable with silence as Sam was)._

_“Hey…I have a question for you” Blaine said quietly his nerves evident in how his voice shook slightly._

_Sam straightened up and looked over at him “Ask away?” he smiled reassuringly._

_“Um, well I am enjoying our relationships and all of its perks” he smirked a little as he looked over Sam’s disheveled appearance “but, I-j-just, okay there’s a Sadie Hawkins dance between both of our schools next Friday and I wanted to know if you maybe would go with me?” Blaine said quickly not looking at Sam, staring determinedly at his folded hands._

_Fear slammed into Sam, but he looked over at his beautiful boyfriend, taking in how bashful and nervous he was asking for something that he really shouldn’t even have to ask for. He never denied Sam anything; maybe it was time for Sam to give back a little. Pushing down the queasiness in his stomach, Sam hooked his finger under Blaine’s chin and forced his head up. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips loving how Blaine melted into it. “Yes” he said pulling away._

_“What?” Blaine asked looking shocked. He never thought Sam would actually agree…._

_Sam cleared his throat and gathered his courage, “Yes, I want to go with you Blaine…I-I love you”._

_A blinding smile reminiscent of a super-nova erupted from Blaine. He leaned back and captured Sam’s lips for another kiss, this one not forceful or desperate but full of promise. “Samuel, I love you too.”_

_And those few simple words made Sam feel as if his world would never be the same again, it made him feel invincible. Like nothing could go wrong._

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_Of course Sam should have known in that instance that things were going to well, that he was happy for once so of course it was time for the universe to intervene. And intervene it did, Sam felt like he was allowed to bask in the glow of Blaine’s words for approximately a blink of an eye._

_It was about two seconds after he arrive home and found his father red faced, and pacing in the living room with a look on his face that Sam knew to recognize as trouble that he felt the bottom of his elation fall out. Still Sam clung to hope, trying to pretend as if his world wasn’t about to crash and crumble before his eyes, as he forced himself to casually hang his jacket up and places his school bag beside the front door. Sam did a quick damage assessment, glancing furtively at the kitchen counter and all the other usual places for evidence. He felt himself breath in slightly with relief, he didn’t see any empty bottles, if his father wasn’t drunk at least he might be spared some of the punishment he was sure was coming to him._

_His father was a strict man, he ruled his family with an iron fist, and yes to the outside world he was a good, faithful, go to church on Sunday upstanding family man, but Sam knew better than anyone about wearing a mask, and his father’s mask slipped when he drank. He didn’t drink often, but when he did one might say he didn’t handle his liquor well, Sam thinks the term was a mean drunk. So it was safe to say Sam was relieved he was not dealing with his father in his drunken state. His father wasn’t a huge man, but he was burly and he had always radiated his emotions, making him seem enormous to Sam. Sam had gotten fairly good at making sure he wasn’t on the receiving end of these emotions, but one look at the furious man in front of him and Sam knew his luck had run out._

_“Sit down” Mr. Evans spat at his cowering son gesturing jerkily at the sofa in front of him._

_Sam slunk his way past him, wishing he could disappear, as he lowered himself onto the couch, clamping his hands together so that they would stop shaking._

_“What the hell is wrong with you?” his father yelled spit flying from the corners of his mouth escaping only to be caught up in his moustache._

_Sam gulped, his father was cursing, this was not a good thing, perhaps that façade he wore wasn’t so far from slipping, and Sam knew that would be far from a good thing._

_“Sir?” Sam asked quietly praying that this wasn’t about what he thought it was about._

_“How dare you. How dare you humiliate you family like this! Humiliate me!” Mr. Evans yelled his hands gesturing wildly in outrage. Sam kept silent he knew better then answer. He kept silent._

_“Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to hear from Pastor Thomas that **MY** son, my football playing Christian son was seen sneaking around and **HOLDING** hands with some lowlife faggot hooker? What is wrong with you do you want to go to **HELL**? Do you really think so little of this family that’d you would associate with someone who lives in sin? Who sells his body? I’m disgusted Sam, disgusted” Father screamed, his face getting redder and redder. _

_Sam felt his insides turn to ice, he felt words of defense for Blaine on the tip of his tongues, but he bit them back knowing that they would do nothing but infuriate his father further instead he opted for trying to minimize the damage. “D-dad i-it’s not l-like that” he stuttered._

_“I don’t give a DAMN what ITS LIKE, you are lucky I don’t kick your pathetic ass out of this house” his father’s voice grew quieter, menacing. Frightening in the evenness._

_Sam tried one more time “We-We’re just friends” Sam said quietly his heart clenching at the lie._

_“You are never to see him again, do you understand? Nothing, If I hadn’t already promised the pastor you would take Jessica to that fucking school dance next week you would not be going. From this moment forward you will go to school, football practice and church. **THAT’s IT.** No hanging out with ‘friends’, no faggy music practice. Nothing. **DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. ME?** ” he continued in a frighteningly calm voice, the words dripping with malice._

_“but…da..” Sam started to protest, his heart throbbing at his father’s words but the expression on his dad’s face stopped him. “Yes sir” he said quietly._

_“What was that? SPEAK up like a man” his father snarled._

_“Yes Sir. I understand” Sam replied forcing his voice not to shake, trying to keep the damn of tears threatening to burst from escaping. He knew that he should be thankful that this seemed to be his punishment. He knew that he should consider himself lucky at escaping without a broken nose, or worse, but somehow he found himself wishing for the broken bones the bruises, the sting of a hand hitting him, at least then he wouldn’t feel like his heart was being crushed._

_“Good. Now get out of my sight. I can’t stand to look at you.” His father spat._

_Sam all but ran to his room, shutting and locking the door before throwing himself down on his bed, biting down hard on his pillow to muffle the sobs wracking his body._ It wasn’t fair, he couldn’t lose the one thing, the only person who made his life manageable. _He couldn’t. But even as these wild thoughts of disobedience flooded his brain he knew. He knew he had no choice. There never really was an option. He wasn’t Blaine, he couldn’t disobey his father. This made him hate himself even more._

_He knew what he had to do. He dreaded it but he knew. After an hour, when his sobs had died down enough that he could stop biting the now tear soaked pillow he picked up his phone. He settled on text. He knew that that this was the cowardly way to do it, but he didn’t have much of a voice left at the moment and he just didn’t have the energy. He scrolled through his contacts until he found the one labeled B. Trying not to feel the sting at the sight of the letter, and with shakey fingers he typed the message that would put an end to his future happiness._

_SAM: I can’t take you to the dance. Find someone else. Sorry._

_He waited for a response. Seconds turned to minutes. Sam felt as if a century had passed before his phone vibrated with a response._

_BLAINE: What? Why? What happened Samuel?_

_Blaine knew a little about Sam’s dad, but just the surface, he knew that Sam’s dad was religious and that he didn’t approve of Blaine’s sexuality but nothing more. At the time Sam had kept it from him to protect him, he knew Blaine dealt enough day to day with this kind of hate and hadn’t wanted to add more to his burden. Sam kind wishes he had now, though it’s too late there is no point on bringing it up now. Clean cut. He tells himself that is best._

_SAM: Nothing. I’m just not taking you._

_BLAINE: I think I at least deserve an explanation why._

_SAM: drop it. Take a hint. NO_

_Sam ignored when his cell phone started to ring, ignoring the way his heart bled every time he saw Blaine’s name on the call display. After 4 missed calls he turned it off. He grabbed a towel and numbly made his way for the shower. He let the task of hiding the evidence of his tears fill his mind, determined to block the pain out. He would not, he could not think of Blaine._

_What’s done is done._

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_The time leading up to the Sadie Hawkins dance both sped and dragged by. Blaine’s ignored phone calls dropped from 6 times a day to one, eventually stopping all together. Sam ignored his texts, asking to hang out, texts voicing concern, then anger, until these too stopped._

_Sam went through his day on autopilot. Forcing himself to laugh at his team mates jokes when appropriate, attending football practices, making small talk, faking a smile so that no one would know his world had been shattered._

_Now he found himself dressed in a tux, picking up Jessica (still irritating, simpering and clingy…didn’t help that she said the word like while talking way more than necessary). He made an effort of getting her flowers, knowing it would get back to his father and please him. Don’t get him wrong if Jessica didn’t open her mouth you might call her attractive, small with shiny blond hair and a pretty smile, but she paled in comparison to Blaine. He sighed willing himself to not go there in his mind._

_They pulled up to the school gymnasium. The dance was being held at Sam’s school ‘The Westerville County High school”, the other Westerville public school (Westerville Public Charter, aka: Blaine’s school) had grudgingly relented to allow the rival school to host the event on the formers grounds. Of course there was a stiff competition between the two schools, probably stemming from their fight over funding; this competition trickled down into their rival sports and academic teams. So Sam was really not that surprised at the effort that WCH had poured into the dance, determined to prove that they were the better school. Thy gym really was rather impressive, silver and black stars hung down, fake icicles and snowflakes everywhere, had Sam not been in such a pissy mood he might have admitted it was beautiful._

_Sam had found them a table and they were soon joined by his football buddies and their girlfriends. Part of him knew that there was a chance he might see Blaine tonight, he hadn’t seen him since that afternoon in Blaine’s apartment, but he had clung to the desperate hope that maybe Blaine wouldn’t come, maybe Sam would be spared from having to look into those pain fill eyes. Of course luck was once again not on Sam’s side._

_He felt his breath catch as he saw Blaine enter through the far entrance. Blaine had opted for an ostentatious white tux, a black silk dress shirt and black bow tie that just happened to accentuate his lean muscular figure, the white complementing his olive skin. And just as Sam had known it would, his heart felt like it was shattering all over again, a feeling that just intensified as he saw another guy run happily over to Blaine capturing him in a hug, and kissing Blaine’s cheek. Sam felt sick as he saw a delighted smile spread across Blaine’s face._

_“Hey, what are you staring at?” Kyle asked poking Sam’s shoulder._

_“Wha…oh, uh nothing” Sam replied quickly dragging his eyes away from the couple across the floor._

_“Not what it looked like to me, you were starring at that fag that just walked in” Kyle said with a sneer._

_Sam fought the panic flickering in his stomach “Just thought he looked familiar” he retorted, hoping Kyle would drop it._

_Of course Kyle didn’t. ‘Well the queer he’s with goes to our school, think he’s a senior…Jeff or something. Disgusting fag but the school lets him play on the soccer team anyway.” Kyle said disdain dripping from his voice._

_“I don’t think I know him” Sam said praying for a topic change._

_“That’s a good thing champ, huh…yeah your right the other homo does look kind of familiar” Kyle said staring at Blaine his eyes narrowed trying to place him._

_Sam was almost thankful when Jessica interrupted them insisting they go and dance. The rest of the night was a nightmare. It was bad enough having to listen to Jessica’s snippy insults directed at just about everyone she knew, but worse was seeing Blaine dance and flirt (Blaine was a natural flirt, he basically flirted every time he opened his mouth) with Jeff. He made eye contact with Sam once early on, giving him a sad smile but didn’t attempt to come over and talk. Not that Sam gave him a chance anyway, quickly pulling Jessica off the dance floor and offering to go grab drinks._

_It wasn’t until closer to the end, when Sam was in the hall leaning against a row of lockers, trying to catch a minute of peace before returning to the bedlam of the gym when they finally ran into each other._

_“Sam”_

_Sam opened his eyes to the sound of his name to find Blaine standing before him arms crossed, looking pissed. Sam sighed and made a move to leave but was stopped by Blaine who pushed him back. He was always taken by surprise at the amount of strength the smaller boy possessed._

_“No, you don’t. You do not get to walk away and continue to ignore me. I want an explanation Samuel. You owe me that much” Blaine said in a tight voice._

_“Blaine…please” Sam pleaded “let it go.”_

_“No. you have been ignoring me all week. You said YES Samuel. You said yes, and then you told me you loved me. Did you mean any of it? What the hell happened? Was it just a game? I can’t for the life of me figure out what I did to deserve you treating me like this” Blaine said his voice low but shaking with anger._

_Before Sam could respond they heard a noise. Blaine immediately took a step back from Sam and they both turned to see Kyle and Chris sauntering down the hall making their way towards the bathroom located just past the where they stood. Kyle and Chris stopped in surprise taking in the two teens in the hall._

_‘What the hell is this?” Kyle asked in a vicious voice._

_Sam’s voice died in his throat. But Blaine quickly stepped up, shooting an easy charming smile at the two jocks, “Hi, Sorry I’m from WPC, I-uh was looking for the washroom and got turned around. I was just asking this guy for directions” Blaine said the lie falling easily from his lips._

_The two jocks looked like they bought it. “It’s down that way” Chris said pointing to the right._

_“Ok. Thanks” Blaine replied brightly turning to go. They almost got away with it. They were so close, but Sam knew it was over when he saw something in Kyle’s expression click._

_“Wait, I know who you are fag” he snarled a malicious smile spreading slowly._

_Chris looked confused._

_“I knew I recognized you. You’re that stripper from Sam’s birthday” Kyle continued ignoring his teammate, a sickening delight in his eyes._

_Blaine spun back slowly, his smile becoming a hard line, his eyes guarded as he stared back at Kyle. “Ah…I remember you…If I recall correctly you seemed to rather enjoy the performance” he replied in a quiet but steady voice._

_Kyle snarled and stepped forward. Blaine took an involuntary step back._

_“what do you want with Sammy fag? You trying to convert him?” Kyle snarled before turning towards Sam. “well speak up Sammy, you have something going with this homo?”_

_Sam couldn’t believe this was happening. His insides clenched at the thought of his father finding out about this confrontation. He had a part to play, no matter how it killed him, he had to play it. The words of his father filled his head._

_“He wishes. I would never stoop that low” Sam spat the shame of his words crushing him but he forced himself to finish, to sell the act, “Unlike him I’m NOT for SALE”._

_Sam thought he’d die when he looked at Blaine. The confidant, happy go-lucky boy was long gone, he saw Blaine visibly flinch at Sam’s words, his face the colour of chalk, hurt shone in his eyes as he looked at Sam with betrayal._

_Satisfied with Sam’s reply Kyle turned back to Blaine and took another step towards him. Before anything else could take place however, the confrontation was interrupted by Mr. Oliver coming into the hall._

_“What’s going on?” He demanded and Kyle quickly stepped back._

_“Nothing sir, just helping our guest find his way” Kyle replied in a sweet mocking voice. Blaine didn’t answer he just brushed past the group and walked quickly towards the gym eager to escape his tormentors._

_Mr. Oliver gave the group a skeptical look but let it go. The three teens stood there in silence for a minute. Sam was thankful when his cell phone went off._

_“Hello?” Sam asked._

_“Come home, we’re moving” his father’s voice crackled through._

_“Wait, what?” Sam asked confused_

_“Come home. Drop Jessica off. I got a job offer in California. We are leaving. Tomorrow” His father stated his tone telling Sam there was no room for argument. The phone clicked signaling that his father had hung up._

_Sam’s emotions were warring; he felt the devastation of never seeing Blaine again and never getting to say goodbye wash over him. Just as quickly the last scene of the evening ran by his eyes and he felt a feeling of relief. He could escape, he wouldn’t have to see the betrayal in Blaine’s eyes, he wouldn’t have to be reminded of everything that had happened. He could leave. He was so caught up in this mental tug-a-war, that he failed to hear Chris and Kyle making a plan to put ‘the fag in his place’ after the dance._

_He made a hasty excuse and departed dropping a protesting Jessica off at her house, not bothering with a good night kiss. 24 hours later Sam was packed into the van with his mother and siblings, their father driving a separate U-haul loaded with their belongings. Sam couldn’t help the relief he felt at being able to escape. He felt the guilt, confusion and shame lessen the further they drove from Westerville, Ohio._

_So eager to escape was Sam, that he never bothered to keep in touch with anyone from WCH, and therefore never learnt how 5 of his former teammates ambushed and beat Jeff, and the boy he loved into a coma. He never heard that Blaine spent the next 3 months in ICU or how news of what Blaine did to support himself spread though the gossip grapevine like wildfire, finding its way to Blaine’s father. He never learnt how Blaine’s father demanded his son come home in order to save face only to ship his son off to a private all boys school so he did not have to spend time with him._

_Which would explain how Sam never knew that Blaine had met Kurt at Dalton and became such good friends with him that he decided to transfer schools to help him face his own tormentors. Sam never knew any of this. Well until now._

_Karma was a bitch._

**(PRESENT)**

**Immediately following fight between Sam and Blaine in Choir room.**

Sam sat down numbly in his chair after Blaine rushed out of the room. He was vaguely aware of his fellow glee club members talking in hushed whispers.

“What the hell’s wrong with Blaine?”

“He’s normally so polite, I think that’s the first time he’s ever raised his voice”

“I can’t believe he said that!”

Sam didn’t bother trying to match the comments with faces, he just stared numbly at his hands. What was wrong with him? Why did he keep hurting the only person he had ever loved? He heard Finn get go and go over to Mr. Shue,

“As the unofficial leader of the group…” Finn ignored the protests behind him, “Can I go and talk to Blaine?”

Sam heard Mr. Shue give his consent. Sam thought it was a little weird that Finn of all people would go talk to Blaine, from what he had observed he didn’t think that Finn and the former warbler got along.

“Are you alright?” a unusually high but recognizable voice asked him. Sam looked over to see Kurt had moved to sit beside him. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and Blaine. What I do know is that Blaine is one of the kindest, warmest people I’ve met; I don’t believe he meant what he said Sam. I also know you are a good person and I really hope that whatever is going on between you that you guys can work it out” the pale boy continue before facing forward and returning his attention to Mr. Shue.

“Me too” Sam whispered more to himself then to Kurt, not failing to notice a slight twitch at the corner of Kurt’s lips at Sam’s admission.

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They finished Glee practice and hour and a half later. Finn had returned to the choir room about halfway through with a triumphant smile on his dopey face.

“Everything alright?” Mr. Shue asked concerned

“Yah, we talked it out, it’s all good…think Blaine’s going skip the rest of practice though, blow off some steam or something in the gym” Finn replied proudly looking like he had just negotiated peace with North Korea. Which if Blaine was still angry maybe he had.

The seconds ticked by as Sam tried to decide what to do. He had to see him. If he could just get Blaine to talk to him maybe he could explain. He finally arrived at a decision; he would track Blaine down after practice. Mr. Shue dismissed them literally seconds after Sam made this decision, not giving Sam time to change his mind.

Had Blaine left already? Sam hoped not, he was not sure if he would be able to find the courage to try and talk to him if he had to wait until tomorrow. Sam began to realize a few flaws in his plan, if Blaine had already left Sam didn’t actually know how to find him without involving one of the other gleek kids. Something he was not willing to do, he didn’t actually know where Blaine lived anymore…had he rented another apartment? Was he still living alone? These questions buzzed in Sam’s head.

Shit! this was a stupid plan, he shouldn’t do this. Blaine wouldn’t want to talk. What if Sam made it worse? NO! STOP IT! He mentally yelled at himself. He could do this. COURAGE. Plus he thought wryly he really didn’t think that he could make Blaine hate him more, what did he have to lose?

Having talked himself back into his plan, Sam decided to go and check the gym. Chances are that Blaine had left long ago but Sam didn’t know where else to look. Sam was wrong. Blaine was still in the gym and from what Sam could tell was pounding the shit out of some poor punching bag.

Blaine was so lost in connecting his fists with the bag in front of him, sweat rolling off him, his hair long ago soaked from his efforts he failed to notice he had company. Sam paused, the aggression Sam witnessing was new. Blaine had always been so level-headed, Sam had never seen this level of rage from Blaine. And if Sam was going to admit it, if it didn’t freak him out so much, seeing this change, it was of a kind of turn on. Blaine’s white shirt was practically see through, soaked through and plastered to him from sweat was not exactly helping.

Sam cleared his throat and said loudly, “Blaine”

Once again Blaine’s head snapped up and the look he gave Sam was cold enough for Sam to want to turn around and flee, but instead he stood his ground. “WHAT.DO. YOU.WANT” Blaine punctuated each word with a vicious gap at the bag.

Sam cleared his throat again. He could do this. Courage. “Can we talk please? And I mean actually talk” Sam was proud at how steady his voice sounded.

“I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say, Samuel” Blaine retorted not stopping his dance with the now swinging punching bag.

“Yes, Blaine I do. Please” Sam pleaded his voice soft.

“Why the HELL should I care? All I have EVER done was open my heart to you and all you have ever done is step all over it. You asked me to keep your secret Samuel, I did that. I did that back then, I am doing it now and how do you pay me back? Once again attacking me in a place that I had managed to finally feel safe in. So Why exactly should I give one thought to how you feel?” Blaine spat still punching, using his whole body to thrust into his swings, proper techqnuie long since abandoned.

Sam couldn’t stand to watch Blaine continue to throw himself at the bag. Once again he acted without thinking things through. He grabbed Blaine by the waist pushing the smaller boys back up against the wall, quickly pinning both wrist above Blaine’s head. While Blaine had become stronger since he had last seen Sam, so too had Sam, that and Sam had a considerable height advantage on the dark haired boy.

Blaine was breathing hard from his earlier efforts, a look of rage on his face. “LET.ME.GO” he hissed.

“NO” Sam replied watching the shocked look of disbelieve on Blaine’s face as he struggled to free himself. “Not until you calm down and listen to what I have to say” Sam continued.

Okay so this wasn’t exactly what Sam had in mind when he had pictured their talk. But he was committed to see it through and he wasn’t going to back down until he had said his piece.

Seeming to realize that he was not going to be able to free himself from Sam’s grip, Blaine slowly stopped struggling, the fight draining out from him. They stood there awkwardly for a few minutes, both in stubborn silence before Blaine finally relented. “Fine. Let me go, I’ll listen. You have five minutes”

Sam let go of Blaine’s hands and took a step back, instantly missing the proximity and warmth coming from Blaine’s body. “What I need to say will take longer than five minutes, so let me give you a small chunk of it. Then you can decide if you want to hear the rest, ok?” Sam said smiling slightly.

Blaine dipped his chin slightly in acknowledgment and motioned for Sam to continue.

“Okay, first of all, I am So Sorry Blaine. I know what I did hurt you, I should have had the balls to take you to the dance. I should have been able to stand up to those assholes” Sam noticed Blaine flinch at the mention of his former teammates but decided to come back to it later, forging on “I was stupid and cowardly and I ended hurting the only person whom I have ever loved”

Blaine’s rage was gone instead a look of pain and hurt filled his eyes. “Don’t. Please.” His voice cracked. “I can’t”

“Blaine I’ve made so many mistakes where you are regarded. And I know I hurt you and that I’ve been acting like an asshole all over again. But I can’t think straight around you…you-you make me crazy. It’s like I can’t control my body or my actions. But I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me I don’t. I just wanted you to know…” Sam trailed off.

Blaine refuses to meet his eyes, studying the ground before finally looking up at Sam, “Did you know Sam? Did you know what they were planning?” Blaine asks softly his voice almost pleading.

“W-What are you asking? Who was planning?” Sam asked confused by Blaine’s reaction.

“Did you know they were going to jump us?” Blaine asked again, his tone a little harder.

“What are you talking about Blaine? I don’t know who you’re talking about” Sam repeated still confused.

Blaine took a shakey breath in. “After t-that dance, t-the Sadie Hawkins one…”

The words Blaine is not saying hang in the air “ _the one you called me a hoar at, the one you broke my heart at…”_

“After that dance, me and Jeff were waiting for our ride in the parking lot and your-your teammates, or friends or whatever decided it would be fun to teach us FAGS a lesson” Blaine continue the bitterness in his voice evident.

Sam’s stomach churned, he remembered the malicious smile on Kyle’s face during the hallway confrontation.

“Well they jumped us and beat us. There were five of them, not that we ever had much of chance, after all we were just a couple of ‘gays.’ I spent 3 months in the ICU, Jeff spent 2 months, from what I have heard he still suffers from panic attacks. Oh and to make everything even more fun. One of the assholes who did it thought it would be a great idea to let everyone, including my father know that I worked at a stripper bar. That was a true joy, my father really thought that was a hoot” Blaine said grimacing at the last part.

“Blaine, I-I didn’t know’ Sam said horrified.

“Well I guess in a small way he actually did me a favor. My father was so scared at what people would think when they realized his youngest son was a gay stripper he started talking to me again. True it was only to order me back home and then to ship me off to a Private all boys school, but still. Ironically going to Dalton was the best thing that ever happened to me. I grew up, I made actually friends and retrieved some of my lost dignity. Enough of it to be able to come to McKinley and start fresh. Free from my past… And then you show up. “ Blaine sighed “So yes Sam I am relieved you were not aware of what went down, and yes I understand and appreciate that you’re sorry, I just can’t. I can’t….at least not yet.” Blaine finished looking exhausted.

Sadness hit Sam but he understood. He owed Blaine this much. He could give him this. Time.

“I understand. Thank you for listening. If and when you are ready, and this is not me pressuring you or anything….j-just when you’re ready to hear the rest. Call me” Sam said with a sad smile, handing Blaine a slip of paper with his new number on it, eerily reminiscent of their first time they met. And in an odd parody of that meeting Sam turned and left, this time leaving Blaine open mouthed and very confused.

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Sam carries his cell phone with him everywhere over the next week. He kept telling himself that he was just making sure that he can reconnect with his fellow gleeks, he wouldn’t want to miss a text from say…Puck or Mike….or….Blaine. That’s all his new dependence on his cellular device is, really. Unfortunately while Sam finds himself quickly worked back into the inner sanctum that is New Directions, receiving plenty of invitations to watch a movie or grab coffee, the one offer he is waiting for remains auspiciously absent. Blaine hasn’t texted or called him. Not a peep.

And as much as Sam wants to brush it off and pretend its fine. It isn’t. It’s eating at him. Sam thinks he’s doing a pretty good job at hiding this, but still the others are starting to notice his melancholy mood. He works hard to laugh it off, reassuring Tina and Brittany (Tina being particularly persistent) that it’s just the stress of moving and leaving his family (no one knows the real story behind that) and they seem to buy it, or at least pretend to.

Therefore Sam has taken to hiding from his fellow gleekers. The less time he spends with them the less time they have to poke and prod he reasons. Which is why 3 days after his confrontation with Blaine he finds himself slouched in a hard plastic chair hidden in some dusty cubicle in the school library during his lunch hour. Plus he told himself he’s not really hiding, he needed the extra time to work on his homework (his dyslexia was kicking his ass in math as of late).

So it was from behind his hidden nook that he heard them, Kurt and Blaine coming and sitting down at a nearby table, talking about some new play they had recently seen. Sam strained to listen, he really should be doing his homework but curiosity got the better of him when he thought he heard his name.

“I don’t understand why you are being like this Blaine” Kurt’s high voice had a definite whiney note present.

“I’ve already asked you to drop it Kurt. I don’t want to talk about it” Blaine’s voice replied sounding weary. This had obviously not been the first time they’d had this conversation.

“Blaine, why the secrets? I thought we were friends. I thought we didn’t lie to each other” Kurt said his voice getting more insistent.

“Kurt, please. I’m fine. Can we please work on math…that is the reason we are here is it not? Unless you would rather go check out the back corner behind the bookshelf” Blaine’s voice teased, his tone belaying an effort to lighten the conversation.

Sam heard Kurt snort in response, before Kurt replied in a serious voice “Don’t do that. Don’t change the subject and hope I won’t notice. You are not fine. You are barely eating, the bags under your eyes suggest that you are hardly sleeping and you have taken to spending an unhealthy amount of time beating the life out of that poor punching bag after school lately. Does that sound like someone who is fine? Not to mention you have been short and snippy with everyone, that is not you Blaine. And don’t even get me started regarding your behavior towards Sam…” Kurt argued.

“I just have a lot on my plate right now…Please let me deal with it my way. Please.” Blaine pleaded.

“Why don’t you trust me Blaine?” Kurt’s cried his shrill voice eliciting several glares and ‘sssh’s’ from nearby readers.

“I do Kurt. But sometimes it’s not my secret to share” Blaine whispered back before turning determinedly to his open textbook.

Kurt looked like he was going to argue but seemed to think better of it. “This is NOT over” he hissed at Blaine.

Blaine let out a resigned chuckle, “don’t I know it”

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4 days later Sam is heading to his locker following the conclusion of a rather intense swim practice when he hears the soft tinkle of a piano being played. Thinking that it’s Finn (who had mentioned he was going to try and find some songs for sectionals) Sam wanders towards the choir room to say hi.

When he gets to the choir room he freezes spotting Blaine sitting at the piano, his back to the door playing and softly singing. The notes leaving his mouth so pure and raw that they feel like a thousand shards of glass slicing into Sam.

**(Hush-Automatic love letters)- Blaine singing softly.**

**This is as quiet as it gets Hush down now Go to sleep We were once Perfect Me and you We'll never leave this room H-H-H-Hush You color my eyes red Your loves not alive it's dead This letters written itself inside-out again When rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends H-H-H-Hush this is where it ends This is the calming before the storm This absolution is always incomplete It's always bittersweet H-H-H-Hush You color my eyes red Your loves not alive it's dead This letters written itself inside out again When rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends H-H-H-Hush this is where it ends I won't make a sound so you don't wake Don't wake don't wake You don't wake You don't wake Hush You color my eyes red Your loves not alive it's dead This letters written itself inside out again When rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends H-H-H-Hush this is where it ends You color my eyes red Your loves not alive it's dead This letters written itself inside out again When rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends H-H-H-Hush this is where it ends This is where it ends This is where it ends...**

 

Blaine’s hands fall to his side and he sits just staring into space seemingly unaware anyone is watching. Sam wants to say something but somehow feels like he’s intruding on a private moment so instead he quietly backs out of the room. He stands at his locker thinking about the emotion and pain in Blaine’s voice, and suddenly he knows what to do. He needs to apologize. Apologize in a language that Blaine will understand. Song.

As Sam starts coming up with a plan he can’t stop the small smile that creeps it way onto his lips. For the first time that week, he feels lighter.

He’s got a plan.

Even though Sam had made up his mind and therefore felt somewhat better it didn’t help him one bit with controlling his nerves and the resulting jumpiness from said nerves. This unfortunately was something that Kurt, Carole and Burt did not fail to pick up on. (Sam had moved into the Hummel-Hudson household when Finn had convinced him to come back to Lima). While Finn of was luckily to preoccupied with the latest Rachel drama to notice anything amiss, this did not hold true for the others. Thankfully the adults voiced their concerns and once reassured let Sam’s behavior slide; this was not so true for the last of Sam’s house mates, Kurt.

Kurt had the tenacity of a terrier with a particular juicy bone and because of this Sam found himself alternating between misdirection and ignoring Kurt’s pointed questions for the first half of the evening meal, and finally fleeing to the relative safety of his and Finn’s shared bedroom for the second half. If this was the line of inquisition Blaine had been dodging all week no wonder he’s not sleeping, Sam thought grumpily.

However, if the nerves Sam was experiencing last night were bad they didn’t even register in comparison to the nerves he was feeling at the moment. The moment of course was Sam sitting in the choir room during Glee practice waiting for Rachel to finish one of her monotonous if predictable speeches so that Sam could put his plan in action.

After several snide comments from Santana (the two groups where doing the odd rehearsal together again), and one confused nonsensical question from Brittany “I didn’t know you were a hobbit Rachel, why are you here? Won’t the other hobbits be mad that you left the magical mushroom stump?” Rachel finally relented and sat down.

Sam could see Mr. Shue starting to stand up and make his way to the white board. Now or never Sam! He told himself trying to find it in himself “Courage” Sam reminded himself.

“Um…Mr. Shue?” Sam asked standing up (apparently he actually more shouted this then asked , which would go a long way as to explaining his fellow gleeks facial expressions at the moment).

“Yes Sam?” Mr. Shue looked up surprised; Sam almost never spoke up in glee.

“I-I was wondering if I could sing a song I have been practicing?” Sam asked, suddenly feeling self conscious as a blush was spreading across his face. What if Blaine didn’t like it? What if he crossed the line and ruined everything? Crap! This was a stupid idea. But before he could go into complete panic mode he happened to glance at Blaine. Blaine who was trying very hard to look disinterested, but Sam swore he caught a ghost of a smile on the boys face before the now familiar defensive mask was back in place. Yes he could do this.

“Of course Sam, the floor is yours!” Mr. Shue said enthusiastically.

Sam cleared his throat nervously “So I wanted to sing this song for the only person that I’ve ever truly loved. I made a lot of mistakes, some which I cannot fix. I know that I don’t deserve forgiveness but I just wanted to sing something that gives a voice to how I’m feeling” Sam explained to the group in general but kept his eyes locked on Blaine. The other boy to his credit refused to look away, or look uncomfortably, returning the stare as if there was no one else in the room but him and Sam.

Sam picked up his guitar and began to sing, his voice steady and sweet, honest.

**‘Forgive me- Marher Zain’ (Sam)**

**I’m about to lose the battle and cross the line I’m about to make another mistake And even though I try to stay away Everything around me keeps dragging me in I can’t help thinking to myself What if my time would end today, today, today? Can I guarantee that I will get another chance Before it’s too late, too late, too late Forgive me… My heart is so full of regret Forgive me… Now is the right time for me to repent, repent, repent.. Am I out of my mind? What did I do? Oh, I feel so bad! And every time I try to start all over again My shame comes back to haunt me I’m trying hard to walk away But temptation is surrounding me, surrounding me I wish that I could find the strength to change my life Before it’s too late, too late, too late** **Forgive me… My heart is so full of regret Forgive me… Now is the right time for me to repent, repent, repent.. Forgive me… My heart is so full of regret Forgive me… Now is the right time for me to repent, repent, repent..** When Sam finished he was surprised to feel something damp on his arm. Oh embarrassing. Those were tears. He looked up at Blaine to see that Blaine’s eyes were watering and there was a tear track left on his cheek. Sam ignored everyone else’s disbelief and confusion, including some pretty pissed off looks from Quinn and Santana (oh crap, he belatedly thought, he had forgotten he had exes in the room. Exes that did not look thrilled that Sam had basically just told them he had never loved them…ops. ) Sam somehow couldn’t bring himself to care over their reactions at the moment.

He looked at Blaine and said softly “I’m trying B, don’t give up on me”

Blaine looked down at his lap fiddling with something before standing up and walking over to Sam. “I haven’t” he replied pressing a piece of paper in Sam’s hand and giving him a quick smile before turning and exiting the room (something that had become something of a reoccurring action as of late).

Sam ignored the clamoring questions of his friends and grabbed his own bag making his own hasty departure. Only when he had gotten outside to a space big enough that he felt that he could breathe in did Sam let the hope that he had been trying to stifle for the past week take over. This sudden feeling of elation made him want to pump his fist in the air while jumping up and down. Instead he settled on unfolding the piece of paper he was still clutching. He quickly unfolded it and read…

                                                                                **_Samuel_**

**_You mentioned coffee? And conversation?_ **

**_Coffee at perks. 6pm_ **

**_-B_ **

Sam couldn’t help but feel a joyous smile escape from him. He would get to explain. No not everything was fixed but Sam began to think that maybe, just maybe it could be.

 

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****

Sam walked into the crowded coffee shop at a quarter to six. He took out his cell to check the time, it had been incessantly buzzing ever since leaving glee practice earlier that day. 9 missed messages. All from glee members. The messages varied but all had one common underlying theme…Sam and Blaine.

QUINN: What the hell was that? You only ever loved ONE person? Why did you sing that ? Why were you looking at Blaine? I thought you didn’t even know him. What the hell Sam?

KURT: Okay stop ignoring me. I KNEW something was up. Sam you have to come home eventually

MERCEDES: Hell no!

ARTIE: So not to be nosey but ??????

BRIT: I knew you were also a unicorn Sammy

SATAN: Epic Trouty! Ha ha you are soo dead. Quinn is looking for blood. Sucker

PUCK: What the fuck?

FINN: Do you and Blaine know each other bro?

RACHEL: Well if I can’t turn him straight, I will support you turning gay for him…can I get the rights to the story. It would make for excellent song writing material.

Sam sighed and shut off his phone. He’d deal with them later. He doubted this latest scandal would even last a week before the next ‘drama’ took over the club. That was one positive to singing with a bunch of divas.

He scanned the bustling coffee shop spotting Blaine seated near a window sipping from a coffee cup, another cup sitting in front of him. Sam weaved his way over, dodging a harried mother and her stroller. When he finally arrived at the table he cleared his throat, “hey”.

Blaine looked up and smiled softly, “Hello Samuel, pull up a chair…uh I got you a soy latte. I’m not sure if that’s still your drink or not” he gestured to the second cup in front of him.

“Yeah that’s still my favorite, thanks” Sam said sitting down, taking in Blaine’s appearance as he did so.

It was true he definitely looked worn down, there were slight shadows under his wide gold eyes, his hair was not gelled down resembling more the style he had worn when Sam knew him in the past. He smiled hesitantly at Sam “Did you mean those words Samuel?” he asked quietly.

Sam looked him in the eyes, trying to make the boy across from him feel the sincerity of his next words, “every single one of them B, every single one”.

“I-I think I’m ready to hear the rest of your story, if-if you still want to tell it” Blaine replied.

Over the next two hours Sam talked and Blaine listened. Sam explained the fight between him and his father after leaving Blaine’s apartment that fateful afternoon. He talked about his fear and rationalization for his behavior back then. He explained his hasty departure from the dance, His families move to California, his confusion and subsequent cutting of ties to his old life.

He described how his father’s job had turned out to be a hoax, and how his father had sent him and his siblings back to Ohio for a short time to live with a family friend. He talked about how they had once again been uprooted and made to move, this time to Kentucky only to find out that his father had become involved with a cult like church group to which he had given the remaining of their family’s savings. He spoke of how he emancipated himself rather than join his family and live on the church compound. He laughed at the irony of finding himself alone, penniless and how he had eventually taken a job as a male stripper. Smiling at Blaine’s amusement at his chosen profession and Blaine’s quip “I really did corrupt you.” He finished his story with Finn and Rachel coming to find him and convincing him to return to Lima, giving him a place to live and a chance to finish high school.

When he finished his story Blaine hugged him, they talked awhile longer and agreed to try and be friends. Both boys were secretly thrilled to be back in each other’s lives.

The subsequent months they’re renewed friendship grew. They began to trust each other again. They spent hours talking, hanging out and goofing around. They settled on telling everyone else that they had known each other back at Blaine’s old high school and had had a misunderstanding but they had worked it out. Blaine slowly got over the betrayal, Sam slowly stopped being afraid of what others might think. And like Sam had predicted the others eventually got bored and moved onto the next scandal.

So on a quiet evening several months later Sam found himself sitting next to Blaine watching The Avengers, yet AGAIN.

“You want to play halo?” Blaine was asking as the credits rolled across the screen.

“You brave enough to face me?” Sam asked grinning in challenge.

“Oh I think I’ll find the courage” Blaine cracked back.

There. There was that word again. Courage. The word that had played such a huge part in Sam’s life. He smiled at the thought.

“What? What is it Samuel?” Blaine asked concern in his voice at his friends spaced out expression.

Sam smiled at Blaine, “I-It’s just that word. Courage. It just made me think.”

Blaine grinned relieved, “Oh, totally understand, It’s my favorite word actually” he replied.

“I know” Sam said “you don’t remember do you?”

“Remember?” Blaine asked looking confused

“You mentioned the word the first time we met” Sam said softly thinking back to that moment. The moment that had ended up having a much bigger effect on his life then he could ever had anticipated.

( **2 years ago- STRIP CLUB)**

_Sam was surprised at how relaxed he felt given he was sitting in front of a very gorgeous boy, a boy who he had not even ten minutes ago asked not to give him a lap dance._

_Instead they were engaged in probably the most interesting conversation Sam had had since starting his fresh men year a WHC. They were discussing Iron man vs. Captain America of all topics. Finally Sam worked up the nerve to ask the boy the question he’s been wondering since seeing him dance on the stage._

_‘How do you do it?” Sam blurted out._

_“Do what” the boy had asked looking curious_

_“ how do you dance in front of all those people? Knowing they are judging you?” he asked worried that he’d offended the smaller boy._

_The boy looked thoughtful and took his time answering before he said one simple word that would stick with Sam for years, “Courage.”_

**(PRESENT)**

Blaine laughed. “I totally forgot about that part of the conversation. Actually I have trouble remembering much from that encounter. I was so nervous. You were so different from the usual customers. You were gorgeous, but more than that you were sweet, innocent” Blaine chuckled “I think I probably had a crush on you.”

“Seriously? I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen….still do” Sam added quietly blushing.

Blaine blushed in return and looked suddenly nervous. “Samuel?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Sam replied curious to see where this was going.

“I-I umm, I w-would like to , to try and be more then friends again, I-If you still want that, I mean” Blaine said stuttering a little.

A blinding smile shone from Sam as he gently turned Blaine’s face toward him, tipping his chin up so their eyes met. “Yeah. Yeah I still do” before leaning in and kissing Blaine softly.

Sam felt like fireworks were exploding as he kissed the boy he loved.

“I love you” he said softly against Blaine’s lips.

Blaine pulled back, a glorious smile on his lips, “I love you too Samuel”.

Courage. Such a simple word. A word that had changed Sam, that had changed them. A word that would continue to do so.

THE END


End file.
